


Polaroid Picture // hyungwonho

by Eimi_nee



Series: Hyungwonho [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Sequel, Summer Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 19:01:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12195774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eimi_nee/pseuds/Eimi_nee
Summary: - it almost feels like it was just a dream, all these memories of you and me, blown away in the summer breeze





	1. Informations, Translations

✫ This is the second part of my other fanfiction called Wildest Dreams, so I think it would be good to read the first part before this fanfiction :) You can find it in my other works !

✫ The french version of this fanfiction is available on my wattpad account, Akina_fr :)


	2. Prologue

"- I knew you once. I knew the way your smile becomes crooked when you lie. I knew the little stars in your eyes when you get excited. I knew the scent of your hair, the warmth of your hand, and the way you tilts your head when you're confused. I knew all of that. But it's different now. It's different because you left me, and you changed, and I changed. You're not the person I used to know, and that's the same for me. I'm not... this young and insecure boy I used to be. Just forget about this summer, just forget about me. Just... leave me alone."


	3. One

"- Watch out, loser !"

I walked aside, used to those insults and warnings. Every one in my major was treated this way, as we were seen as the nerdy people with no experience about sex or relationships. To them, we didn't know how to have fun.  
But we knew. We just had a different idea of what fun meant.

We never really minded. We were all too preoccupied by our technology projects, and we had no desire to fight whatsoever. Besides, we knew ourselves that we weren't losers. We were intelligent people who just happened to be less confident regarding social interactions. That was all.

It was already my second year of college, and everything was going well. It was our last day before summer break, which meant no school for about two months. I loved my classes, but a break wouldn't hurt. I needed it, after all this time working on my project, which was a little video game we created, my friend Hyunwoo and I. We loved our little baby, and we were really proud of it. We received an A, which we appreciated, after all those nights without sleeping.

"- Hyungwon !"

It was one of my friends in my major, Minhyuk.

"- Hey !

\- I just wanted to know if Hyunwoo and you had something planned for tomorrow night ? I'm doing a little party on the beach within our major to celebrate the end of the year.

\- It's such a nice idea ! I don't have anything, so I'll just check with Hyunwoo and tell you if we can make it.

\- Great ! See you later then !"

Parties didn't scare me as much as they used to, but I still wasn't used to them. Until the summer before my first college year, I hadn't been invited to any, so I was pretty new to them. Going to college made me go to more and more parties, but my major's parties were quite chill and not very overwhelming. Only a bit of alcohol, and a lot of conversations, which I could handle more than dancing and drunk people. Minhyuk was used to organizing parties, so I trusted him.

I continued walking in the hallway to meet Hyunwoo as soon as his last class ended. He joined me three minutes later, a smile on his face, immediately agreeing to the party as soon as he heard Minhyuk's name. I knew something was up between Hyungwoo and one of Minhyuk's friend, but I never dared say anything, because we never talked about those things. The last time we did, we both ended up being rejected, so we kind of agreed that talking about it would only curse our relationships. At least she was very nice and simple, and they got along well. I really wanted my best friend to be happy, and I hoped she could make him less worried about being in love. After his last rejection, he told me he would never want to fall for someone again.

Guess that was old news now.

We walked towards our bus stop in silence. We weren't much talkers. We arrived a few minutes later, shivering from the breeze, unusual of this time of the year.

"- Eh, I hope it won't rain tomorrow."

I nodded silently, and breathed in the fresh air of a new summer. My mind went to him, out of habit. I always did when the summer approached. The fact that our love story only lasted one summer made me believe it wouldn't have lasted the school year. We were two really different people. He was the popular one, I was the nerd. He had always picked on us, so our story would have been inappropriate. I knew he was too sensitive to have endured his friends' mockery. 

But he wasn't here. He had left two summer ago, making me enter college alone. Except for Hyunwoo, I only knew our bullies there. And he left them as well. No one knew where he was, for he had left abruptly, with no sign beforehand. From what I heard, I was the last one he saw that night, before vanishing into the dark. 

"- Hey, said Hyungwoo softly, snapping me back to reality. Your bus is here."

I knew from his eyes that he knew the object of my thoughts. Waving him goodbye, I dived back into his eyes that I was picturing in my brain.

I still remembered the taste of his lips. I remembered how sweet my name sounded when he called me gently. And the way his eyes stole every star when we were out during the night. It would have been a lie to say I didn't fall in love with him back then. I was obsessed with him, just the way he said he was with me.

But I was a fool, obviously. Hyunwoo collected my heart patiently after his departure. We never talked about him, and I knew he heard the news from someone else. But I couldn't bare saying his name. It was something we never did, between Hyunwoo and I. Saying his name.

But this summer was different from the last one. Last summer, it was my first one without him. It was really hard, and Hyunwoo had to collect me while I was crying several times. But I knew it was different this time. I was determined to not let this jerk ruin my summer. I was a new person, and my heart had been healed.

That's why I quickly brushed off the thought of him, and the image of his smile in my head. The bus trip home wasn't long, only a few minutes. I tried to concentrate on the landscapes, the sea, the beach, and the fields on the other side. I loved this neighbourhood.

I arrived home ten minutes after saying bye to Hyunwoo. Turning my keys in the door, unlocking it, I decided to kill the time before tomorrow's party. I turned on my favourite game and played until late in the night, only pausing to get myself some snacks.

I woke up pretty late the next morning, exhausted from the semester we just had. A few drinks wouldn't hurt, after all, so I was looking forward to the party. I occupied myself with games, and movies, before taking a shower and changing into decent clothes one hour before the party. I had to pick Hyunwoo up because he didn't have his license yet. His home was on the way of the beach where Minhyuk told us to come to, so I didn't mind. We went silent as soon as we finished greeting each other, and he only interrupted it a few minutes later.

"- Are you okay ?

\- Yeah, I said, startled. Why do you ask ?

\- I... I don't know. Wanted to check."

I knew it was about last summer.

"- Don't worry. I decided not to let it ruin my summer with you", I said, smiling.

He smiled back, and this concluded our conversation. His favourite song was playing on the radio, so he turned the volume up and started to whistle, following the tune.

Minhyuk welcomed us with a hug for each of us, putting in our hands the two bottles of beer he had in his hands. We thanked him and joined a group of mutual friends that were talking about their projects. We discussed for what seemed to be more than one hour, changing subjects to our plans for the summer. Most of them were like us, and didn't have anything planned, but some had gotten summer jobs to make a little bit of money, and one boy even paid himself a trip to France.

In the mean time, Minhyuk and some of his friends had lit up a fire, to keep us warm from the cold breeze that was still going on since the day before, and we all gathered around it. Hyunwoo and I had separated, even though I didn't reckon going away from him. I still had my half-finished beer in my hand, and I was starting to get pretty sleepy. It was a nice party, but it lacked of something. We were all just talking and enjoying the fire.

"- Hyungwon ?"

I jumped, not recognizing the voice. I turned on my feet, but I couldn't see anyone except a group of teenagers far in the distance. I concluded I had dreamt the voice, and turned back to my friend.

"- Hyungwon ?" the voice called again, making me jump again. This time, when I turned, I was welcomed by a pair of eyes I had seen somewhere. "I knew it was you ! It's been so long, do you remember me ?"

After a few seconds, it finally clicked.

"- Hee ? murmuring her nickname, making her eyes sparkle with joy. What are you doing here ?

\- The same thing as you, apparently. How are you doing ?"

And we started chatting, like nothing happened. She was a friend of him, of my ex-boyfriend, that I met during our summer together. I painted a wall with her during one night, and that was the last time I ever saw her. It had then been two years. I couldn't believe the fact that she was here, right in front of me.

At one point, I caught the excitement in her eyes turning to worry.

"- Wait, you don't know about Wonho ? I winced at the name of my ex-boyfriend.

\- No... What about him ?

\- He's... He's back.

\- What do you mean by that ?

\- He's here, Hyungwon. Wonho is here."  


	4. Two

"- Hyungwon ?"

I smiled from relief as I felt Hyunwoo's presence beside me. I wasn't alone, and he was here for me. As he always had been.

"- She said he... Wonho's here.

\- Wait ! Hee interrupted. It's not like he's at the beach, I'm only here with my boyfriend. He's just back in town, you know."

Hyunwoo still grabbed my hand and squeezed it, to reassure me. My heart was pinching in my chest, but I decided I didn't have to feel stressed out about it. There was a chance we would never run into each other anyways, as the neighbourhood was pretty large. Fields everywhere, and then the beach. We could avoid each other as much as we wanted.

Hee gave me a weird look, as if she was trying to guess what was going on between us two.

"- We broke up two years ago, I told her.

\- I know, she answered with a pitiful smile. I'm sorry I... just thought it would be better for you to know.

\- It is. Thank you. It's just that I'm a bit tired so I think I'll head home instead.

\- It was nice to see you again. I'm glad you're doing okay. See you later then ! In two years maybe, she joked.

\- Yeah, I let out a laugh. Maybe."

I walked towards the parking lot where I left my car, followed closely by Hyunwoo. I knew he wasn't going to leave me alone until I would told him to go away. Which I didn't want to. We drove silently and arrived at his home. I parked, and he waited until I would say something.

"- Can you sleep over tonight ?" was the only thing I could murmur. He immediately agreed, and told me to wait in the car as he needed to grab some stuff first. I nodded, and watched his back enter his house.

I was alone.

I still couldn't believe that he was back. He had told me to wait for him, two years ago, but I thought it was just a way to give me hope. Somewhere in my heart, I knew he would never come back. Or maybe I wanted to believe it. I wanted to believe that the man who broke my heart wouldn't break it again.

It was weird to think that he was there, in those streets. That at any point I could run into him, and greet him, or ignore him. Because those were my only choices. 

He had became a stranger.

Hyunwoo came back in the car, and looked at me intensely. He eventually stopped, and I started driving again, towards my house this time. The ride was still very quiet, but it was not unusual for us, so it wasn't awkward. It was more comfortable.

It's not until we were both laying in my bed that we started talking.

"- I know you think you're not ready to meet him, but I think you need to. You need to end this pain, Hyungwon. You need to put a closure to your relationship. And the only way for you to do that is to talk to him.

\- I know. It's hard.

\- I understand that.

\- I'm so lost, Hyunwoo. I don't know what to do. A part of me wants to encounter him and hear his explanation, but a part of me wants to punish him for what he did.

\- Only you can decide, he murmured. But whatever your choice will be, I'll support you."

A few minutes later, as I didn't respond, he fell asleep. I was left alone with my internal war. I didn't get that much sleep that night, rocked by Hyunwoo's light snoring. I eventually came down to one decision.

That I wouldn't let Wonho break my heart again.  


	5. Three

This decision wasn't that easy to keep. My heart kept going back to him, to his smile, to the way he loved me when I didn't.

But days passed, and I didn't see him at all. I was even wondering if he truly had come back, because nothing showed signs of his presence in this neighbourhood. Maybe Hee lied, or he had left again. I hoped he did, because forgetting him was so much easier when I knew he wasn't near me.

I was curious, of what he did during those past two years and how he grew up. Was he still so insecure about himself that he took it on others, by picking up on them ? Did he still grin instead of smiling with his whole face ? I realized he never really smiled until he was sure we were alone.

But Wonho was nowhere to find, and that thought reassured me a little, even though I was nervous everytime I went outside.

Today was a rainy day, and I was alone. We had plans, Hyunwoo and I, to go back to the beach for a little suntanning moment, but we had to cancel because of the weather. I lived alone, since my parents moved out a few years back. So I was basically trapped in my boredom, not knowing what to do, what to watch, or even what to eat. I was wandering in the corridors for the third time already when someone knocked on my door, so lightly that I thought I had misheard. I went back to my living room, and just when I tried to grab the remote to watch tv, the knocks returned, more intensively this time.

I sighed, and got up. Maybe it was Hyunwoo, if I was lucky. I was sure he was as bored as me, so he had maybe thought of coming over to be bored together. But I knew that it wasn't Hyunwoo's type to come unannounced. He would always text me before showing up.

I had no idea who it was. Minhyuk ? No, we weren't that close, and he didn't know my address. That left me with only college friends, who didn't know where I lived.

I walked to the door, and opened it in a brisk gesture. I didn't intend to scare the person who was behind it, but apparently I did, as I catched them jumping away in surprise.

At first, I didn't recognize him. His brown hair had been dyed blonde, and it suited him, even though I prefered his brown hair. He looked softer with darkish hair. He had lost weight, I could tell, but he was still the same, he nearly didn't age at all. He was still the first boy I fell in love with, and the last.

"- Hi", he murmured, apparently embarassed.

I was tempted to close the door on him, but he looked cold and wet. I could tell he had spent some time under the rain.

"- What are you doing here ? I asked, instead.

\- Listen, I know you're probably not pleased to see me but..."

Pleased ? Of course I wasn't. I was not prepared to see him at my door. I had spent the last days trying to imagine how I would react when I would finally bumped into him. But nothing that I imagined was like what I was feeling.

I felt incredibly mad, pissed, and annoyed. How dared he appear to my house like that ? Not only he never announced himself, but he knew very well that I wouldn't want him to come. I was the one he left behind, and now he was trying to get me to forgive him ?

"- Yeah, I'm not. What do you want ?

\- Nothing, I was just walking by in the rain and the rain suddenly got worse and I couldn't walk under it anymore.

\- Here's an umbrella, I said, handing him the one that was hanging next to the door. You can go now, and never appear in front of me again.

\- Hyungwon, I -

\- I don't want to hear what you have to say, because if it was really important, you would have came back sooner.

\- I couldn't, please Hyungwon...

\- No, Wonho. Goodbye."

And I closed the door, tears filling my eyes, trying to take in what had just happened.

"- I'm going to wait for you."

I could hear behind the closed door. His voice was muffled by the wood between the two of us. I heard him sit, his back slipping down the door.

"- I'm going to wait for you, he murmured again. I know it'll take time, but I hope one day you'll forgive me. I don't even need your forgiveness, because I can't even forgive myself. I just want you to understand that I didn't have the choice. One day, I'll explain it to you, once you accept to talk to me. I'll give you time. All the time you want. But I hope you'll understand."

I sat by the door, probably back to back with him. I couldn't hear him anymore, as he fell silent, but I knew he was still here. He wasn't waiting for me to open, I knew that. But he was still here, making sure I knew he was back.

And somehow, my heart fell at peace. That was all I needed to know.  
  
That he was here, by my side.


	6. Four

We stayed like that, back to back with only the wood of the door between us, for at least one hour. I only heard him go away when the rain started to disappear, and it was safe for him to go. I felt empty, when I heard the creasing of his coat against the door, and his heavy footsteps as he walked away on the porch. In fact, I felt so empty that I didn't have any power left in my body, and couldn't get up. I stayed sitting there for at least thirty minutes after his departure. I was too tired to cry, too tired to try to make him stay. Because I knew that I didn't want him to come back.

I got up and slowly went to my bedroom, and laid in my bed, over my blanket. I stared at my ceiling, trying to compose a thought in my brain, but nothing worked. My mind was blank. And I think I prefered it that way, or I would have gone crazy wondering about what he meant. What was he going to explain ? I didn't need explanations. I only wanted to be left alone.

Even if I was a tiny bit curious.

I fell asleep, eventually, after full minutes laying down. A dreamless, calm sleep, only interrupted by a text notification I received on my phone. It was Hyunwoo, offering me to go to the mall with him, which was unexpected. We never went to the mall, usually. We didn't like big crowds.

But then it all made sense. Minhyuk's friend, Hyunwoo's probable crush, worked in one of the shops there. And he was apparently too shy to go alone.

With a smile on my lips, I accepted, and got up to wash myself up before taking my car to pick him up.

  
He had a smile on his lips when I arrived, and I couldn't help myself but smile as well. I decided to put Wonho back where he deserved to be for messing up my head, which was in the trash bin of my mind. I had no time to deal with him right now. I had to play Cupid.

"- Why are you smiling like this ? Hyunwoo asked me as he got into the car.

\- Because you're happy."

He looked at me with a confused expression in his eyes, still smiling. He kept singing along the songs playing on the radio while I drove to the mall, a sign that he was, in fact, feeling pretty good that day.

"- I saw Wonho, I murmured during one of the few songs he didn't know.

\- Wait, really ? he turned to me, shocked. How ? I mean, are you okay ?

\- I am, strangely. He showed up to my house when it was raining a few hours ago. He just said he's going to wait for me, because he wants to explain everything.

\- That's good, right ? He wants no more secrets between the two of you.

\- But I'm confused of why he'd talk to me in the first place. I mean, dating me was the result of a bet he did with his friends.

\- Actually, Hyungwon, I'm pretty sure that's not the case.

\- He said so, I sighed, getting annoyed.

\- No, he never did. You asked two questions, and one of them was about a bet. The other one was about if he liked you. He answered a simple yes, are you really sure he answered to the one about the bet ?

\- Yes. Why else would he hang out with me ?

\- Because you're an amazing person, and he wanted to get to know you more."

I shrugged, embarrassed and pissed by his words. I told him I didn't want to talk about it anymore, and he just nodded. I could tell he was a bit annoyed as well, and I felt guilty as I probably ruined the good mood he was in before our little conversation. We arrived at the mall shortly after that, and we walked in silence towards the shop he wanted to go to. I lowered my head, watching my feet, not knowing how to act. We eventually stopped in front of the shop, and as I raised my eyes to meet Hyunwoo's face, I was glad to see a smile on his lips.

"- Lin ! Hi, I forgot you worked here, called Hyunwoo.

\- Oh hi ! Hold on, I need to finish with this costumer and I have a break," responded Lin.

Lin was a simple girl by appearance, she had straight brown hair with bangs and small glasses. She dressed nicely usually, but very simply, but that day she was wearing her job uniform.

She told us to wait for about five minutes to hang out with her, so that's what we did. Hyunwoo and I chatted a bit, and I could see the light in his eyes, that lit as soon as he saw her. This was really adorable, but I'd never say that to him. He was still too shy to talk to me about it, but I knew he thought he didn't need to, and he was right. I already knew everything just by looking at him, and his cheesy smile.

Lin joined us five minutes later as she said, and told us she had a thirty minutes break. She also mentioned that one of her friends came over to her house for the summer because she lived far away, so Lin needed to wait for her at a coffee shop. She invited us to join her, so we did.

I didn't talk that much. I didn't know Lin that well, I'd only chat with her once or twice every month. It was Hyunwoo who was close to her, so I listened to them talk for a bit, not wanting to bother them.

"- Lin !"

A familiar voice suddenly went in the frame. I raised my head up, confused, when I saw a gentle pair of black eyes that I knew too well.

"- Hyungwon ?

\- Mia ?"  


	7. Five

I stood up, confused and surprised as to why she was here. We hadn't seen each other for about ten years, even though we kept contact for three years after she left. We lost contact after that, but I immediately recognized her.

"- You guys know each other ? My gaze went from Mia's face to Lin and Hyunwoo, seeing their confused expression.

\- We... we were in elementary school together, but I moved away during 2nd grade", stuttered Mia, her eyes still locked on me.

She hadn't changed that much. Of course she grew up a lot, but she still had that mischevious spark in her eyes. Her long hair was now in a blonde bob, and it suited her a lot. Her braces were gone, replaced by a glowing smile that lit up the entire room. She was even prettier than she was before.

"- You changed so much, she told me. I nearly didn't recognize you."

I didn't have the power to tell her how overwhelmed I felt by seeing her. Instead I took her in my arms for a welcoming hug, and she gladly accepted my embrace. She let go after a few secondes, but I stayed by her side, my eyes locked on her face. I still couldn't believe she was here. She couldn't be. She'd be gone for so long, I almost forgot about her.

We sat down on opposite sides of the table, and ordered our coffee. I fell silent once again. First Wonho, now Mia ? Everything was falling apart around me, and I didn't know what to do. I felt so confused and lost, my heart couldn't stop its fast pace. I listened to their conversation without much attention, and jumped of surprise when I heard them call my name.

"- Hyungwon ! I think you and Mia should go on a walk, it's been a while since you've seen each other, you must have a lot to talk about", said Lin. It was obvious her and Hyunwoo wanted some time alone, so I nodded, and got up my chair.

I could see Mia was confused as well, but she understood after a few secondes. We simply walked away, still in silence. We were obviously awkward with each other, because of all the years we spent apart. We had so much to talk about, yet we didn't know where to start. We arrived at a fountain, and decided to sat down.

"- So how's uni going ? she asked, trying to start a conversation.

\- Good, good. I'm already starting my third year. I'm majoring in technology and game plannification, so I'm doing stuff I like. I'm with Hyunwoo actually, the guy you saw earlier, we're from the same major.

\- How did you two meet ?

\- Oh, I murmured, taken aback. I never really told anyone our story, so it's with a quiet voice that I answered her question. It was in middle school, we were in the same class. Those older guys stopped me in the corridor and asked for my lunch money, which I didn't want to give. They started to push me and I eventually fell on the floor. He saw everything and decided to help me. He was the only one who did something to stop the guys. He got beaten up too, that day. But strangely, after they left with our money, we just looked at each other and laughed. Blood was dripping from his nose and my mouth had a really strong iron taste, but we still laughed. Since that day, we never really separated. We were always a duo, and the teachers always put us in the same class. It just happened, but he saved me, that day."

She fell silent, as I looked around, reminiscing our shared past. Hyunwoo had always been here when nobody was, and I always felt guilty. I knew he could have a lot of friends if it wasn't for me, but he always sticked by my side, making sure I was never alone.

"- You guys are good friends, it's nice to see you met someone who's important for you."

I smiled at her, bitterly. I always regretted that she had to move. We had such a deep relationship.

"- I missed you, you know, she said. I always wondered what you were up to. I'm glad you grew up nicely.

\- It's all thanks to Hyunwoo. But I have to admit I'm happy we ran into each other today."

Our conversation went on, about her life, and about mine. We laughed a lot, she told me jokes, memories, anecdotes. We didn't stop talking until I heard Lin's voice.

"- Mia ! My break is ending, so we should head up to the store.

\- Alright, Mia responded with a smile. She turned to me. I'm glad I saw you again."

I told her I felt the same, and we exchanged our phone numbers, promising to keep in touch this time and to see each other again during the summer.

We got out of the mall and jumped into my car, both in a good mood. I didn't dare to ask what happened between Lin and him, but I knew it went well, because his eyes were still shining with a happy spark.

It wasn't until we were halfway to his house that he opened his mouth.

"- So who is she ?

\- Who ? Mia ?

\- Yeah.

\- She was my first love."


	8. Six

/TEN YEARS EARLIER/

 

 

« - Hyungwon ! »

I turned around, hearing Mia's voice. She was my best friend and I could always guess her feelings by hearing her voice. Right now, I could hear that she was sad, no, devastated, and I had no idea why.

It had been four years since our first encounter, and we hadn't separated since. Our parents were always joking about us marrying in the future and having kids, which always made my heart flutter, but it never seemed to bother Mia, because she'd laugh it off every time. She was that kind of person, always confident, and nothing could ever break her smile. I admired her a lot, and that was kind of the reason we worked so well as friends – I was always here to follow her crazy ideas and I'd never contradict her. I'd always be the quiet one, while she was chatty – I was the shy little boy, she was the friendly little girl.

We were so different, yet we worked so well. She stood up for me everytime one of our classmates would mock me or call me names, telling me that they were only jealous of my good grades for example, so that was the reason they would call me a nerd. I never believed her.

She always called me by my full name, never by a nickname or a petname. I think she just knew that I didn't like being called something else that my name, since everyone at school at already called me every name possible. I never thought about it twice back then, but now, I just feel grateful. She always seemed to know what triggered me, or my anxiety.

She was my shield, and that day, I lost her.

"- Hyungwon ! she screamed again, tears menacing to fall on her beautiful rosy cheeks.

\- What's going on ?"

I was confused, but at the same time, inside of me, I knew. My anxiety had always told me that one day she would go away. She would get tired of me, or she'd find more interesting friends – but in my imagination, we'd never end up married with three dogs and two adorable daughters. We would never be in contact. I was alone, while she was surrounded by people. She was my world, I was her weight dragging her to the ground. But never, would I have thought that our separation would be someone else's fault.

"- I'm going away, she screamed again, still running to me in despair. She finally arrived, jumped in my arms, and I waited a few seconds to let her calm down a bit.

\- What do you mean ?

\- My father found a job in the UK, so my mom, my brother and I are moving with him, but I don't want to, I want to be with you, how could they do that to me, I hate them, I'll never find someone like you there, maybe I could ask your parents to let me move in with you, but I'd miss my family too much, and I don't know what to do, please help me, I don't want to go away from you..."

She finally breathed in after her tirade, giving me a chance to absorb whatever she was saying. Her ? to the UK ? But she couldn't speak English ! We were only about to turn eleven. We had all those plans, those secrets, we had each other. How could they do that to us ? It was unfair. They didn't have the right to take us away from each other.

But they had. They were the grown-ups, they could do whatever they pleased without ever thinking about us. And we had to follow them like two little puppies. I hated that. I hated how powerless I was, seeing my best friend and the only one I wanted in my life, crying her heart out, her face buried in my now tears-soaked neck.

"- We'll find a way, I murmured into her ear as I scrubbed her back trying to reassure her. We'll send each other letters. We'll get cellphones. I'll beg my parents to buy me one, okay ? You do the same with yours. I'm sure it'll work. It's us. They can't break us apart.

\- They can. They're already doing it.

\- We'll see each other in a few years, I'm sure of that. It's only a few years. You'll come back here for university, or I'll try to find some job or study course in the UK. We'll work this out. I promise.

\- Promise ?

\- Only death could make me break this promise."

She stayed in my arms for a few more minutes, and when she broke our embrace, she had a faint blush on her cheeks. She was wearing a small and sad smile, and her eyes were red, but she wasn't crying anymore. I let out a sigh in relief.

She kissed my cheek, making my heart flutter, and went back into my arms.

When she went home that night, leaving me alone in my big dark room, I felt a void taking place into my chest. I always felt like something was missing when she wasn't around, but this time, it was different. Because I knew that she was eventually going to go away, and that I wouldn't be able to see her for a long time.

She was my reason to get up every morning. I couldn't imagine myself without her. It was always Hyungwon and Mia, Mia and Hyungwon. Not just Hyungwon.

And that scared me.

Because I wouldn't be able to hide myself behind her confidence anymore. I wouldn't have her defending me, and that meant I had to find a way to defend myself. But I was too weak. I knew myself, and I knew I wouldn't be able to do it properly. I always messed everything up, and this time wouldn't be different. I was sure of that.

I was young, but thanks to her, I knew what love meant. How I felt with her was indescribable. I felt like I was important. Maybe I was depending too much on her. Maybe it would be good for us to stay apart for a bit.

But at that point, it felt like the end of the world. I couldn't stop thinking about her leaving. I didn't get much sleep that night.

When our final day together arrived, we were both too anxious and sad to act properly. Our brains seemed turned off. I didn't even want to get out of bed to say goodbye, it was too painful. I didn't believe in my promise. I knew that there was a big chance we would never see each other again. It was what happened in most cases. But we were us. So I held tight to the slight hope I was still feeling, and got out of my house, walking towards the moving truck parked in front of their home. Well, it was no longer their home, but still. It still felt like it.

I glanced at Mia, sitting on the side of the road, hugging her childhood plush toy close to her heart. She had her face buried into the bear, so I couldn't see her expression, but I still could imagine it. I knew she was on the verge of tears. I promised to myself I wouldn't cry in front of her. I was the one who had to be strong this time, and I couldn't miss my chance to make her feel a bit better.

"- Mia ? I called softly, to not scare her.

\- Hi, she smiled slightly, her eyes puffy and red.

\- Don't forget to send me letters, mh ?"

She nodded with a soft sigh, as I sat next to her on the pavement. She leaned her head on my shoulder, so I could feel her warmth. Our breathing synched up, and I slowly took her hand. We stayed like this for a long time, her crying silently, me rubbing my thumb over her hand to reassure her that I was still here.

Her dad called her name, announcing that they had to leave. She tensed up for a slight second before getting up, dusting her clothes off, and walking towards the car. I followed her silently, not knowing what to say.

"- I'll miss you, she said in a cold tone, trying to keep herself together.

\- Me too, I murmured, to keep my voice from breaking.

\- You'll find better people, I have faith in you."

I tried to answer, taken aback by this sentence that should have been said by me instead of her, but she smiled sadly and pecked my lips with hers rapidly, jumping in the car and avoiding my eyes.

That was the last image of her that I remembered for almost ten years. Her profile, eyes closed, tears staining her cheeks, and her lips shaking as her older brother took her hand and squeezed it.

The red car drove away without looking back, taking my heart with it.

As I imagined, years passed by, and we grew apart. Not being together was bringing too much difference in our lives, and we eventually gave up trying. Either we didn't have time to write a long letter, or we had too many things to tell the other, so we ended up saying nearly nothing.

Life went by. I met Hyunwoo, then Wonho, who I lost right after. I had lost the two persons I let myself give my heart to.

And now they were back, both holding a piece of my soul in their hands, and I didn't know which hand I should hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess i just had to feel depressed to finally write again
> 
> hi lmao i'm very sorry for my lack of updates and stuff, i have no excuse to give you, i'm just a lazy piece of shit who tried to get away from my writer's block by hanging out with friends so i didn't have to think about this chapter that was stressing me out
> 
> BUT I DID IT and i'm proud of myself i hope you liked it ! i quite like it ^^
> 
> finally i just wanted to say that my future projects are : finishing this fanfic, re-write Wildest Dream (and possibly Polaroid Picture) nothing will change drastically but I think I'm going to try and write a bit more, like make it longer I don't know, I also want to turn this whole series into a "normal" book so I'll probably do that on my "normal" account, I have a Verkwan fanfic that have been on the back on my head FOR TOO LONG so I have to start this (but don't worry I'll finish PP first, it's my priority), throw some one-shots and imagines in this and you have my current projects ! i have a lot of lists and drafts i have to look into as well soooo idk what the future holds !
> 
> but i'm starting uni in like two days, i'll have quite a lot of free periods during the day but i get home very late (i have like 1+hour of train so when i finish at 7pm i get home at like 8:30) so i'll try and work on my classes during those periods, but i'm going to try my best to squeeze as much writing in this schedule as possible !! 
> 
> i am again very sorry for not posting for so long, you can beat me up virtually if you want i won't mind
> 
> OKAY BYE ILY IDK WHEN THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE OUT but you can follow me on twitter Eimi_nee if u want to know me better or chat idk OK BYE


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